DAY 352 SOBER – by Heidi (Mind The Sip member)
I was just earlier cleaning up a section of my wardrobe and went through a basket of hats and beanies. I came across not just one but multiple plastic seals from the bottles of Absolut Vodka I used to drink at night as soon as I got home from work to “relax” and “destress”. I hid my bottles in that basket. It’s hard to believe I was opening the seal of a bottle of 700 ml vodka, 40% alcohol, 22 standard drinks per bottle pretty much every 3 nights. I drank it straight on ice. One huge glassful while I sat in my bedroom at my desk and wrote my work shift notes for the day. Within 20 minutes I’d downed 7 or so standard drinks, relaxed and disassociated enough to find the energy to cook tea, do washing and folding, school lunches, help with kids school homework, clean up and then…. Crash. And then the next day wake up. Work and repeat …
How I desperately wanted to break the cycle this time a year ago. Each time the bottle was nearly empty I’d swear I’d not buy anymore even for the sake of saving $52 Australian dollars per bottle. But after a grocery shop I’d pass a bottle shop and vodka called out to me. Or I’d have received an email with a special that I couldn’t pass by. Or I got an ad on Spotify …. I couldn’t resist all the temptation. Plus…. No one knew. No one. I’m surprised I never ran into someone I knew while I was buying the vodka but I was clever. I picked my times.
It was EXHAUSTING keeping my drinking a secret… from my kids, from my friends and family. I was simply surviving and relying on my bottle of vodka to see me thru the end of the day.
I loathed myself and I was weighed down with guilt. My sleep was terrible. I was terribly down and depressed, sad, resigned to a life simply existing for my kids sake.
I’ve kept this piece of plastic and I’ll get it out and take it with me on my 1 year sober day and spit on it and throw it in the bin. With a big smile on my face and a fist pump in the air, grateful for sobriety and a life now being lived fully.
You can follow along on Heidi’s journey by visiting her Instagram account here.
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